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This is a guest post by Nicki-Lynn McIlree

Guilt is defined as “feelings of culpability, especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy.”  Wow, that’s a mouthful!  I prefer my own, much simpler definition of feeling like crap when you couldn’t or didn’t do something that you think should have.  Sometimes you feel guilt on your own, other times, someone else is at the root of the feelings, either way, it sucks but it is an inevitable part of life.  If anyone tells you that they have never in their life felt guilty, I would have to say they are lying, especially if that person is a mother.

Now, we all experience guilt from time to time in our lives, I know there have been many times in my life that I have felt guilty or been made to feel guilty.  Sometimes it is justified, sometimes it is just silly but it doesn’t even compare to Mommy Guilt.  As mothers, there is always something that we think we aren’t doing right, or often enough, the way we should be doing it or even things that we just aren’t doing at all.

Sometimes, it is easily justified and rectified yet other times it is just plain silly.  Sometimes it is due to things we can change other times it’s not and we just have to learn to deal with it.

Mommy Guilt rears its ugly head at every possible opportunity. It first appears pretty much as soon as your precious little baby is born.  You start to feel it when that mysterious little creature, who is dependent on you for everything, cries uncontrollably and nothing you can do will soothe him or her.  You feel like you are the world’s worst mommy.  But you are not!

Beware, once Mommy Guilt makes it’s way into your life, it never, ever leaves.

You feel guilty that your house isn’t as clean as it could be, but seriously, what’s more important, a spotless house or spending quality time with your kids?

You feel guilty that you have to work instead of being the stay at home mom that you always dreamed you would be.  But what’s more important being with your kids every minute of the day or being able to pay the mortgage, bills and buy groceries.

You are made to feel guilty because you aren’t raising your kids the same way your friends, neighbors and other people close to you are.  Does this really matter, as long as you are raising happy, healthy kids and the choices you make are the right ones for your family?

There are a couple of things that I have learned that help me combat Mommy Guilt.  I don’t think that there is anything that can make Mommy Guilt go away, but these tips can help you cope.

1)    Remember that no matter how hard you try; you can’t possibly do everything that you think you should be able to do for you child or children.  And if you say you can, you are either lying or you are Wonder Woman.

2)    Don’t give in to others attempts to make you feel guilty.  Just because it works for someone else, doesn’t mean it is right for your family.  Do what works for you and be confident in your decisions.

3)    Don’t compare yourself to others.  There are always going to be people who look like they are able to do everything for their kids that you wish you could do, but that doesn’t mean that they have it all.

4)    Make the most of the time you get to spend with your kids.  It’s kind of like the whole “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” thing.  Even if you don’t have a lot of time to spend with your kids, use the time you do have to do something that they will remember and appreciate.

5)    Surround yourself with a good network of people that you can call on when you need help.  Family and friends who you can trust that can look after a sick little one when you have to be at work are a lifesaver.  And make sure that Daddy does his fair share.  In many cases, it seems like Daddy Guilt does not exist or has much less impact then Mommy Guilt.  Tell Daddy what he needs to do to help eliminate some of your guilty feelings.

6)    Always make sure to make time for yourself.  I know that it sounds like this could cause more feelings of guilt as it may cut into the time you have for your kids, it makes for a much more relaxed mommy.  My 17 month old is a pro at the sulky lip and tears when he knows that I am leaving the house.  It always makes me feel bad but I know that the minute I am out the door he is laughing and playing happily with Daddy.  Every time he does this I remind myself that in order to keep my sanity, I need to get out by myself from time to time.  And my son needs me to be sane more than he needs me to stay home every minute!

For all you Mommies out there, suffering from this, take some comfort in the fact that you aren’t alone.  We are all together in our fight against the dreaded Mommy Guilt.  Together, we can hope and pray that someday, somewhere, someone comes up with a cure for this affliction!  Until then, good luck!

Nicki about herself:

Hi! I’m Nicki. I am a 30-something, married mom of one smart, silly, friendly, always happy, adorable little boy who was born on December 25, 2008. I am an Early Childhood Educator with more than 10 years experience with infants and toddlers in daycare. In my spare time I can be found gardening, scrapbooking or writing. I love animals and have my own little herd of fur kids – 2 siberian huskies, 2 cats, and 2 rabbits. I do everything I can think of to avoid housework. I am a volunteer with New Moon Rabbit Rescue and a Brownie Leader with Girl Guides of Canada.

You can read about my life at home and at work in my main Blog, The Perils of a Working Mom,
I chronicle (with lots of photos) my gardening journey in another Blog, My Almost Green Thumb,
And I am the main author for the New Moon Rabbit Rescue Blog.

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