The Nature of Identity
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This is a guest post by Sam Liu
Let me ask you a question: who are you?
“Me?” I hear you say, “Well I’m such and such, I’m this many years old, my likes include a, b, c.” Yes, that’s all well and good. I’m tremendously happy that I now know what you enjoy and how long you’ve been alive and what collection of syllables your parents decided to award you with at birth. But, let me ask you again: who are you?
In reality, very few of us could answer. As demonstrated above, we can reel of list after list of facts about ourselves, we can say what we’re “like” or describe our “personality traits”, but when it comes to saying exactly who they are, many find themselves dumbfounded. It seems simple enough - of course you know yourself, you know your mind, you know where you’re from. You and you alone are the protector of your dreams, desires, hopes and fears.
I used to get rather frustrated when someone asked me who I was and then questioned my response. Listen, I felt like saying, I think I know me a bit better than you do. That was, however, before I read a book by the Franco-Czech novelist, Milan Kundera, called Identity. The story is brief (153 pages), yet infinitely powerful.
It follows two lovers and the occurrence of a catastrophic, yet superbly implicit, event. This event, needless to say, sets of a chain of subtle and intricate incidents. “Sometimes”, writes Kundera, ” - Perhaps only for an instant - we fail to recognise a companion; for a moment their identity ceases to exist, and thus we come to doubt our own”. I was gripped from page one. But, this is not a book plug. All I will say is this: this is a book of major consequence, powerful and so well-crafted; the reader has to readjust their perspective of reality. If you haven’t read it - do.
But, what I want to talk about is this - identity.
Would we be who we are if people did not tell us who we “ought to be”? Before birth, we are without identity. In the womb, we are not yet members of the human world. But even then, mothers will call their baby this if it’s a boy and that if it’s a girl. Already, our “identity” is being forced upon us. And the minute we emerge from the amniotic, the birth certificate is established. This person is called X. They are the child (the property even) of Z and Y. And thus, we gain our identity. As we grow, our parents give us boundaries and (sub)consciously imprint society’s rules upon us. Children don’t care if mud is messy or ugly or dirty - by heck, they’re going to play in it. Cue Mother, “Oh no dear, don’t play in that, that’s not nice.” Ergo, the child learns that mud is bad and develops into an adult who has entirely forgotten about their forbidden love for muck, and wouldn’t dare go and jump around in it. There is nothing wrong with this, of course - this is parenting, children need regulations and discipline, there’s no disputing that. But, this is a prime example of how part of our identity is not chosen by us but instead an obligation we simply have to adopt.
Imagine a questionnaire. Question One, what do you enjoy? Tick one box: art, maths, science, leisure, cookery, history, sport et cetera. Isn’t this the very formation of who we are? Early on, as children, we “tick boxes” to tell society what kind of people we are and this stays with us for life. Maybe we change, but then we just tick another box. I remember being asked, “So, are you sporty, Sam? Or do you prefer reading, or..?” It seems to me that we like categories; it seems to me that this is human nature. Tick a box. And those that refuse? There’s a name for them - rebels.
“But, isn’t this choosing your own identity?” many argue, “Surely you’re getting to pick who you are”. Yes, you said it yourself - you’re picking who you are.
Imagine a world where, when we are born, we aren’t named, aren’t told what’s good and bad, aren’t given questionnaires and personality quizzes, aren’t controlled by law or restricted by faith. Where we don’t pick from a list of possible personalities, where we aren’t categorised. Would we actually gain an identity?
When on our own, completely alone, we are different people. There’s no denying it: the person society sees isn’t the same person that you see in your bathroom mirror when no one’s around. When left utterly, utterly alone, do we still possess an identity? Or, is our identity something we wear when people (the physical embodiment of society) are present? Do we still enjoy such and such, do we still admire this and that?
In ending, I would like to ask this: are we who we are, or are we simply a representation of who we are perceived to be? Open your browser, go to a blog. Is it a cookery blog, a poetry blog, a travel blog or anything else for that matter? Look at the readers. Those square pictures, those digits, have decided to say, “I belong to this group, I like what this blog’s about”. All those people, myself among them, have self-categorised and joined a community for their “type of people”. I’ll finish as I began. Who are you? Are you yourself? Or are you who you should be? Visualise a world without people, and without people, nobody perceives you, nobody provides you with boxes to tick. Now let me ask an absolute question:
Do you still exist?
Sam Liu about himself: My name is Sam Liu, I’m 15 and I’m from Liverpool, United Kingdom. I wouldn’t call myself a “typical teenager” (whatever that is), but, then again, I’ve never enjoyed being the same as everyone else. My other interests include literature, theatre, art, politics, philosophy, languages, theology, classical and modern history and debate.
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Wonderful post. Yes, we all come with our unique identity. And to stay whorever we are, and to have that pride of our own identity is important.
Sureindran R.´s last blog ..Escape
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i think i m her whom i wanted to be just tht i havent achieved it completely
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Truly an interesting idea. The truth is everything we see is filtered by our perception. The world as whole is simply what we perceive it to be. Thus we don’t become what others perceive us to be but what we perceive that they are perceiving. The layers of filters get bigger & bigger when we start to look at who we perceive is important in our life, etc.
The important thing is that people take the time to get to know who they are. People aren’t willing to take them time for themselves so most of us don’t truly know who we are. Accept yourself with all your imperfections, love yourself & then let that love flow out of you into the world & the world will be a much better place.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Hugs,
Bill
Bill´s last blog ..Seeing through the eyes of a Child
[Reply]
wew. i love this: are we who we are, or are we simply a representation of who we are perceived to be?
such a nice thoughts. probably i will share to my way of opinion
thanks for sharing!
cheers,
m.
[Reply]
I always say I have spent my entire life having my “identity” ripped to shreds by God as I went from believing one identity after another. God would say, no, that’s what you do, or that’s what you like, it is not who you are. I’m still in process, but I have learned that my true identity is only found in Christ. I am a child of God, and none of those other things really matter in comparrison.
If I lose the ability to sing, I am still a child of God.
If I no longer teach, I am still a child of God.
If I am divorced, I am still a child of God.
If I lose everything this world has to offer, it effects not my identity, because those are things I “have” or “do” or “like”. They may be gifts from God for me to use, but they are not my identity. My identity remains the same regardless of anything else, because it is fixed: I am a child of the King!
Angela Young´s last blog ..Illegal Immigration: I’m just sayin’…
[Reply]
thats a very thoughtful post… a question who’s answer we may now be abe to answer
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Hi…
Lovely self introspection…
The answers are all within us…
It’s when we look to the outside to define us, that we fail..
It’s all in me..:-)
My happiness, my sorrow…
My mood, my attitude…
I make me:-)
suruchi ´s last blog ..And Thus I fell!
[Reply]
To answer Sam’s question, the answer is a resounding yes. While I may have started out as someone else’s “property,” or have been told what is and is not acceptable, and checked off all the appropriate boxes of my likes/dislikes, the fact remains, who I am today is the sum total of my life experiences.
I have been the exclusive architect of my life based on the roads I’ve chosen to follow and the experiences I’ve allowed myself to have. Identity can be something that is issued to you like a name, or transferred to you by way of relationship, but in the final analysis, who you ultimately end up being is 100% entirely up to you.
Peyton Farquhar´s last blog ..Dealing with Rejection
[Reply]
i love the post <3
[Reply]
Only by looking within do we find the answer to this question?
[Reply]
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