Dealing With Rejection
This is a guest post by Peyton Farquhar
Dissed, dumped, kicked to the curb, scorned, spurned, and jilted. Whatever your preference is to describe the concept, if you’ve ever been burned, then you are already acutely aware of how it feels. But what is rejection at its fundamental core but an opportunity to accept your reality as it really is instead of how you prefer it to be?
Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not trying to sugar-coat and/or gloss over the very real, psychologically debilitating effects some suffer at the hands of another. Rejection can have a profoundly negative impact on your self-esteem and outlook, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
Depending on how you handle it, rejection can actually help to retain your dignity because it puts into perspective for you exactly what you would have realized on your own but for the involvement of your heart. If ever there was a more all-encompassing vehicle with which we use to blindside ourselves, and, otherwise sabotage our emotional well-being, I can’t think of anything more effective than the human heart.
The heart can be a little, white dove or it can be a treacherous bird of prey. In either case, the heart is primarily ego driven. It is our own wounded pride that tells us we will never be able to find another or trust anyone else ever again. In all reality, neither is true. The question is not whether we will ever be able to get past the pain caused by rejection as much as it is will we ever allow ourselves to move on and learn from the experience.
What do you think?
Peyton Farquhar is an underemployed Paralegal in Southern California. In his spare time, he enjoys biking, surfing, reading, writing and spending time with his wayward cat.. He publishes his musings on Prattle On, Boyo.
©2010 Peyton Farquhar™ and Prattle On, Boyo™. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Peyton Farquhar™ and Prattle On, Boyo™ with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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The way I dealt with it was initially “I was not good enough for that person”… that was the initial depression phase. Eventually, it turned out into the anger phase “That person was not good enough for me” (indeed, the heart is ego-driven and hence defense mechanisms activate to protect this ego). Finally the sour-grapes acceptance phase “We’re just not meant for each other. We’ll both be better off with someone else. Nobody’s perfect. We just have to find the one that’s perfect just for us.” It’s all kinda like the Kübler-Ross five stages of grief/DEATH~
(Of course I don’t deny, being a person with too high an ego sometimes, and that part often dominates my cognition and judgement.)
In my opinion though, I think getting past that pain is actually a part of allowing ourselves to move on; learning from the experience (for me at least, until now) kinda does mean never again being able to trust another.
But to me, love and trust are two different things. They’re both needed in a relationship, but I believe now that we can always love 100%, that doesn’t mean we have to trust that person 100%. Learning from experience teaches me never to take things for granted again, and have some amount of vigilance, all for the best of the relationship itself.
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