Have you ever wondered how most of us dream about the same things? We might be different. We might argue a lot. We might fight and try to prove our point of view. But in the end of the day when we  go to bed and are one on one with our thoughts and dreams and desires we want the only one thing - admit it or deny it - we want to be loved. And we want to be happy. And somehow one does not go without another.

At the late hour of the night some of us lie there awake dreaming of something they have never had but know exactly what it should be like. They have not yet had this feeling of comfort and calmness love gives you. They have not yet looked into the eyes of their soulmate and have not seen unlimited care and understanding there. They have not yet trusted someone unconditionally. And they have not yet met that one person who can read their mind, answer their questions before these questions are actually being asked. They have not met that person who can bring excitement, happiness, joy in their life. They have not met that special someone who can literally take their breath away just by being there. They have not. But they know they will. They hope, they dream and while they are lonely at this very moment they know very well that it is not going this way forever. Or so they hope.

At the late hour of the night some of us lie there awake trying to heal their own wounds. Trying to believe that time heals. Trying to give time time. They know they had something special and they somehow screwed it up. They want to believe it is all for the best and their time will come but somehow they can’t accept the fact that it is all over. They are told that they should be happy they had had it but it kind of tough to be happy when you know you had all the happiness in the world and that just let it go. It’s not until months later, looking back, that they realize how much better they could have done. And it won’t be until months from now that they will be able to let go and finally give someone else a chance, but until then, there they are: stuck in the past, wishing it was the present. Dreaming their life away.

At the late hour of the night some of us lie there awake being happy. Hoping that tomorrow nothing changes and they will again wake up to a sweet “I love you”. Knowing they have that one special person they can always rely upon and trust to. Realizing how lucky they are to have something that beautiful in their life. Having someone who can make an ordinary moment seem magical; who can bring out the best in them and make them want to be a better person. Having someone who is their best friend; the person who will drop everything to be with them at any time of the day no matter what the circumstances, when it is needed. Having someone who can make them smile like no one else can. Someone who puts them at the center of his/her universe, because obviously he/she is at the center of theirs.

But as you lie there late in the night awake think about the fact that a good relationship doesn’t just happen. Couples who stay together for years aren’t just lucky. It requires both people to actively care for and work on the relationship.

And here are some of the tips how to keep your relationship healthy and fit for more than just a couple of months. Because just love is never enough. To be able to wake up with a happy smile each day you need to do some little bit of work to keep the spark of love alive.

1. Accept the shortcomings.

No one is perfect. You are not either. You have to accept your partner the way he or she is - and find ways to deal with their issues. Because at the same time they are trying to deal with yours.

2. Admit you are wrong

It is not about winning always. It is about making the other person happy. It actually does not even matter who wins. Because if someone loses, you both do.  Being in a relationship is not about being right. It should be about both of you respecting each other and being happy TOGETHER.

3. Always talk about your problems

Sit down and talk things out. If something is bothering you, you better share it with your partner. Do not think it is selfish to bother you with your stuff and issues. There is nothing “yours” in a relationship. Sharing good and bad, remember?

4. Do not take everything personally

Sometimes it is just not about you. It is about a bad day at work, angry boss, no parking slot etc etc etc. Just make the best out of it, some quiet time, good food, maybe some wine and a bit of cuddling will make your special one forget about the bad day.

5. Be independently happy

Of course you love your partner. Of course he or she makes you happy. But you should not rely on your partner to MAKE you happy. You shouldn’t be miserable without him or her, and while of course you will miss them when they are away and feel sad but you should also have something apart from your relationship that makes you happy and satisfied. You should be happy and content with your life.

6. Do not let anyone affect your relationship

It is only you and him/her. Not your friends, parents or random people. While sometimes it would be wise to listen to the advice of people around you got not to be affected by them. It is your relationship, not theirs.

7. Give them time

People say that time is the best gift one can give to another person. So give your loved one the best of your time and all the love you have. Just be with them and let them know that you are happy. Most probably they won’t ask for more. Even if that’s just an hour per day due to your hectic schedule but it should be there. And if you are apart, make sure you give calls or send messages or mails just to keep your presence in their life.

8. Give them space

As much as you should give them time, you also should give them space. To hang out with friends, to watch the TV show you hate etc. Time apart will help your relationship. Absense makes the heart grow fonder.

9. Show them they are your priority

That is what we all need to know… that we are someone’s number 1. Do not screw it. Do not make your partner feel like they are not important for you.

10. Be loyal, be truthful, be committed

Nothing hurts more than lies. And eventually lies always get known no matter how carefully you are hiding them. Being truthful even about unpleasant moments shows your level of loyalty and commitment and even care.

11. Say “I love you”

Someone once said “You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you‘ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget”.

Not to mention it really makes you feel better. Both of you.

And I want to end this article with another quote:

“Someday someone might come into your life and love you the way you’ve always wanted.
If your someday was yesterday, learn.
If your someday is tomorrow, hope.
If your someday is today, cherish”.

Because if you don’t all you will have left will be being awake late at nights with a heart full of pain and regrets. And we don’t want it, do we?

So much to the first Tuesday Love Ramblings on The Colors Magazine in 2010.