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The Last Moment: 55 Fiction

4 October 2009 9 Comments

Contest Entry #36: The Last Moment

“Where are you?”
“Almost reached the station”
“Only 15 minutes more” - Anxious voice.

10 minutes: luggage placed inside.

5 minutes: His eyes still searching her.

1 minute:

Expectation..!!
And there She comes.
But train has already vanished to some distant world.
She sat on the bench crying. She has missed it. The last moment!!

The author: Hasna Lamees K M, blogging at http://hasnalamees.blogspot.com

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9 Comments »

  • Rajlakshmi said:

    Aww that was touching.. The anxiousness could be felt in the story.. Wel penned.

    [Reply]

    # 4 October 2009 at 8:43 pm
  • Hemanth Potluri said:

    it was nice wording and the emotions could be felt so much in the story line…wish he could have met her ….hmmm sometimes life tests us with the last moment ..

    urs..hemu..

    [Reply]

    # 4 October 2009 at 8:46 pm
  • Prats said:

    Ah! So sad …

    [Reply]

    # 5 October 2009 at 7:38 am
  • Gleenn said:

    I was anxious reading this. I wouldn’t wish to be in her shoes. That must be very painful. Great one.

    [Reply]

    # 5 October 2009 at 11:28 am
  • Kunjal said:

    well built suspense:)

    [Reply]

    # 6 October 2009 at 6:34 pm
  • Kally said:

    Very touching story Hasna….You have expressed the feeling well !!

    Good One !! Keep Writing :-)

    [Reply]

    # 6 October 2009 at 8:34 pm
  • Aniket said:

    I liked the structure a lot. It helped a lot towards indulging us in the story. I caught my last moment. It doesn’t eases the pain but most definitely helps in getting closure. Nice work.

    [Reply]

    # 7 October 2009 at 6:25 pm
  • The Colors Magazine (author) said:

    I liked the way you built your story up, really good in sense of helping us understand what is going on and what she feels. Good one :)

    [Reply]

    # 13 October 2009 at 5:06 pm
  • Honorable Mention in the 55 Fiction Contest | Brian Thomas Clark said:

    [...] The Last Moment: 55 Fiction (8) [...]

    # 16 October 2009 at 4:29 am

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