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The Gift: 55 Fiction

2 October 2009 18 Comments

Contest entry #5: The Gift

The room is ready for baby Ashley’s arrival. Brightly decorated and completely adorned. Her cries in the delivery room announced her arrival. Anne eagerly looked for Dale and went ahead of the doctors to break the news of their baby’s arrival. She found him in the hospital chapel crying miserably and uncontrollably with her parents.

Author: Amity Me, blogging at Dreams are My Reality

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18 Comments »

  • Kunjal said:

    the last line adds to the suspense:)

    [Reply]

    Amity Me

    of course yes,

    but were you able to get the story?

    [Reply]

    # 2 October 2009 at 1:59 pm
  • Anwesa said:

    i guess its a kind of open ending.isn’t it?

    [Reply]

    Amity Me

    really?

    [Reply]

    # 2 October 2009 at 4:58 pm
  • Hemanth Potluri said:

    the suspense is still on :)

    urs..hemu..

    [Reply]

    Amity Me

    yah but the last two lines say it all…

    [Reply]

    # 2 October 2009 at 6:04 pm
  • Shruti said:

    damn! the baby died :(
    ..what suspense are ppl here talking about?

    [Reply]

    Amity Me

    it’s not the baby who died! read it again…

    [Reply]

    # 2 October 2009 at 11:04 pm
  • Aniket said:

    My my! Only the 5th entry and already 2 babies are dead.
    And people say I kill a lot of my characters. :P

    This was very well put up though. Especially liked the build up towards the end.

    [Reply]

    Amity Me

    oh aniket, but the baby did not die here…go over it and read between the lines, just two words and you got the story right…

    [Reply]

    # 3 October 2009 at 10:08 am
  • zahid said:

    The best line of this 55 fiction is ‘Her cries in the delivery room announced her arrival’. Good usage of pronouns to keep up the suspense.

    [Reply]

    Amity Me

    but who really died here, everyone who posted their comment did not get the story…

    [Reply]

    # 3 October 2009 at 10:36 pm
  • Gleenn said:

    lol. What a debate going on here. Of course, it’s not the baby that died. The character just arrived to a new world through that cry in the delivery room which annouced “her” arrival [this "her" is tricky but you can guess]. This is such a touching subject. Whenever I dig deeper upon this, I am awed by such courage of a womam to gamble her life for a new life out from her own self. A GOOD STORY.

    The title is a little bit confusing though. I found it not consistent with the twist of the story.

    All the best.

    [Reply]

    Gleenn

    oh, I might as well add … that “her arrival” could meant two things. First, baby Ashley arriving to the world, and second, the mom arriving to a new world. That it’s her spirit who saw her husband and her own parents grieving for her instead of celebrating for the baby. :)

    [Reply]

    Amity Me

    Gleenn:

    do i have to say you hit it right?

    [Reply]

    Amity Me

    Gleen:

    thanks for your wonderful comment…but that’s your opinion…

    the title is not really confusing…but was the cause of all the sorrows of her parents…

    dig deeper again!

    :)

    [Reply]

    # 6 October 2009 at 10:48 am
  • The Colors Magazine (author) said:

    It was really a good story, loved the plot, maybe you should a bit work on it so that it would not confuse people too much. Of course we should leave some space for a mind’s work, but when too many people are confused, then that’s a sign we should work it out a bit :)

    [Reply]

    Amity Me

    thanks Lena, I will…:)

    [Reply]

    # 13 October 2009 at 3:30 pm

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