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Cheating: 55 Fiction

2 October 2009 14 Comments

Contest entry #8: Cheating

She had her gun pointed directly at my chest. I stood resolutely, gazing into her eyes. She smiled as she pressed the trigger.
She wasn’t supposed to smile.
The curtains fell and the audience cheered loudly, as I lay there, bleeding, motionless.
She wasn’t supposed to smile.

Author: Eeshan Malhotra, writing at http://www.fencibility.com/

Author Bio
The author is an - as yet - unpublished college student, who likes beer with his pizza.

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14 Comments »

  • joker said:

    this has everything…
    betrayal, love, loss, anger, revenge, satisfaction, justice…
    awesome dude…

    [Reply]

    # 2 October 2009 at 11:44 am
  • Kunjal said:

    well built tension in the first line:)

    [Reply]

    # 2 October 2009 at 1:41 pm
  • Akshat said:

    This was really good…..

    For a second there I had just moved on to the next entry….declaring it “weird”…but then it dawned on me….the words are very subtle…..

    The climax was awesome….

    Sweet, simple and subtle….

    According to me the best 55 fiction of the first group…..

    I vote for this one……waiting for the next group Lena!!!!

    [Reply]

    # 2 October 2009 at 2:10 pm
  • ste said:

    amazing dramatic nd beautiful to be honest….
    well written …stands out as amongst the best frm wht i have read till nw:);)

    [Reply]

    # 2 October 2009 at 2:14 pm
  • Amal Bose said:

    that was really awesome.. had everything in it..
    good work :)

    [Reply]

    # 2 October 2009 at 3:03 pm
  • Anwesa said:

    It took me two readings to realize the plot. Certainly spine-chilling!

    [Reply]

    # 2 October 2009 at 3:22 pm
  • Hemanth Potluri said:

    it was an awesome work :)…

    urs..hemu..

    [Reply]

    # 2 October 2009 at 6:12 pm
  • Geraldine said:

    I like this one, a lot!

    [Reply]

    # 2 October 2009 at 8:34 pm
  • BLUERAIN said:

    Simply beautiful. My fav so far! It made me smile, even though “she wasn’t supposed to smile”

    [Reply]

    # 2 October 2009 at 11:41 pm
  • Aniket said:

    Well, the preceding comments speak for themselves. You certainly packed a lot in there with just 55 words. Most judicial pacing to tell a complete story in there.

    PS: I too like my pizza with beer. :)

    [Reply]

    # 3 October 2009 at 1:05 pm
  • zahid said:

    The best line of this 55 fiction is ‘She wasn’t supposed to smile. i personally like anaphora very much to get that rhetorical effect and yes a very good story line.

    [Reply]

    # 3 October 2009 at 11:06 pm
  • Rajlakshmi said:

    Loved the way u have ended it…and the drama packed in so few words.. Wonderfully penned..

    [Reply]

    # 4 October 2009 at 5:23 pm
  • pj said:

    oh tats ws nice…the act ws no act…

    [Reply]

    # 11 October 2009 at 6:56 am
  • The Colors Magazine (author) said:

    First, congratulations! I really loved this piece. Emotionally strong it has everything a good story should have. Great work!

    [Reply]

    # 13 October 2009 at 3:37 pm

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